The last few weeks have felt like I’ve been in a vessel at sea trying to reach the shore, yet the more effort I give the farther I drift from my destination.
No journey is ever as we plan it. There are almost always obstacles and setbacks we simply cannot anticipate, like the ever-changing rolling waves in the ocean. When a surfer gets tossed in the waves, the more they fight, the longer they are sucked under.
We know the answer to this struggle. We know we must roll with it and let the waves of life do their thing, yet we still have that inner voice that says push back, fight it.
With the extent of the injuries I suffered just over 4 months ago, including two broken legs and a torn knee that visually stops people in their tracks, my rehab team thought my knee was going to require the most concentration-and it did. We weren’t worried about my legs. Bones heal. They’re relatively simple compared to replaced ligaments.
I started to bike a little harder and longer as my rehab progressed. To our surprise, my knee seemed to react very well to the increased volume and intensity of activity. My right broken leg healed very quickly as well. I had expected the left to do the same. But as my rehab progressed and my knee was improving, my left leg was not.
I didn’t think much of it. I guess in some strange way I was used to the pain. It was dull and achy all the time. I would be in the same amount of pain before my bike workouts as I would be after them. I thought it was just part of the process of healing.
Athletes have a very different take on pain, mentally. It is apart of our lives literally every day on some level.
No elite athlete wakes up on a daily basis and doesn’t feel something sore, nagging or painful in their body. My pain just happened to be a broken tibia and fibula that I had come to simply endure.
So came the setback. After my latest x-ray revealed the bones in my leg were still separated, I was given stern instructions to do less.
This news hurt me. I was starting to feel like an athlete again. My body was looking more athletic. But I’m a person who likes direction, so I listened and I accepted. Tell me what to do and I’ll do it with all my effort.
I have taken this unfortunate news and am putting all my energy into it. I am doing less. Even though internally I desperately want push. I had come to a point where I felt physically ready to push.
My time will come.
I know letting the rolling waves flow will take me to shore. Letting go will get me to my destination.