Trust the process because the universe has a beautiful story for each one of us.
Finding love and realizing happiness starts with understanding who you are. I’m sure this is something you’ve heard before. Obviously, it isn’t easy and it certainly takes time. As well, it becomes problematic when you lack confidence. So, when we fall short, what do we do to find contentment in life and love? We naturally compare ourselves to others.
STOP! This is torturous behavior for so many reasons.
First, you’re actually comparing yourself to your PERCEPTION of those you idolize. What we think we see isn’t necessarily so – it’s an interpretation and not necessarily their reality.
No one’s life is perfect, despite what they may have you believe. While people may not intentionally try to be misleading, it’s human nature to protect your ego. It takes courage to be vulnerable and honest. Showing our flaws and weaknesses goes against the natural desire to put our best face forward.
Unfortunately, however, what you see isn’t always what is. So don’t let pretensions make you feel inferior or fool you into thinking you are less worthy as a human being. Of course, I know why it’s hard not to fall into temptation. Social media is a propagator and you only have to scroll through Instagram to see a digital parade of “perfect 10s.
How do you compete with the beautiful single lady and her perfect figure, thanks to the raw vegan diet?
Or how about the happy person always smiling because every day is blissful when you have so many amazing friends and a thriving business? I’m not letting these feeds speak to me about gratitude, helping each other and open sharing about life’s difficulties.
I’m tired of seeing the hot mom who gave birth six months ago and her tummy is already flatter than yours could ever be. I don’t begrudge her. It’s great if her children are angelic and never scream or cry. They’ve probably slept through the night since the day they were born. This same gorgeous wifey has a hubby who is completely devoted and spoils her regularly with flowers and gifts just because it’s Friday. Sure darlings, we believe this is your everyday reality (rolling eyes).
I mean let’s be realistic here… nobody has a perfect life. We just don’t share photos of our less-than-flattering angles, our children’s temper tantrums, or our weekly tray of Krispy Kreme donuts on social media.
This is not for public consumption. Instead, we feed each other’s insecurities by presenting the best version of ourselves to the digital world.
Unfortunately, these insecurities drain our confidence and lead to a spiral of self hate and depression. Inside we think, “Why not me? Why isn’t my life as perfect as everyone else’s? Why can’t I afford the big beautiful house and fancy cars like my neighbors? Why am I not as skinny as she is?”
Stop throwing yourself a pity party! Realize you are not alone; we all have envied someone at least once, but when you acknowledge that this pattern of thinking is unhelpful and damaging, you can begin to turn things around.
Yes, it’s healthy to admire someone, and to appreciate them as a role model. Inspiration can guide us and positively influence our direction in life. It can be motivating and help us to go after a new job or improve our health. Envy, on the other hand, is entwined with a feeling of discontent spawned by jealousy. When possessed by the green-eyed monster, we become bitter, focusing on things we don’t have rather than the abundance of things we do have. Everything starts to go downhill when this takes over.
Occasionally, I meet people with a radiance and ease – meaning they are free of falsities. This only comes with acceptance of self and a genuine happiness. Happiness doesn’t mean an absence of suffering or a perfect life. It simply means accepting that life is a beautiful gift – worts and all. When you appreciate your blessings, you are less likely to envy the life of others.
So what if you don’t drive the same car as your neighbors? It’s fine if your kids aren’t enrolled in private school like those of the lady you met at the gym. It’s ok if your husband isn’t 6’5” tall or sport a six pack of abs. These are superficial markers that don’t create happiness. Instead, redirect the focus on YOU! Enjoy every blessing that comes your way, and remind yourself that there are many people out there for whom your life would be a dream.
And, when it comes to love?
Explore the magic that love has to offer. Make that the most authentic desire in your life. But to do this, you need to enjoy the journey without obsessing over the outcome. YOUR journey, is what matters. Just because you don’t see romantic blunders on Instagram doesn’t mean others aren’t going through the same anxiety and trepidation about love as you are.
If your budding romance doesn’t bloom, view it as a life experience and focus on the learning. Move on, with faith that the Universe will deliver someone even better. Look forward to the romantic adventures that lie ahead of you, living your life with the knowledge that every storm must pass to make way for the sun.
Stop wasting your energy playing the victim because doing so will actually make you that – a victim. Leave the fairytales to Disney and Prince Charming for Instagram. When you are courageous and confident in following your own dreams, you may just meet someone special on your journey.
The Universe has a beautiful story for each of us. Captain your own ship and decide whether or not you will steer into gentle waters or stormy seas. Life is a gloriously turbulent journey, with highs and lows, but ground your experience in reality and not the digitalized perception of it.
P.S. If you’re looking for some great reading about this topic, consider Gabrielle Bernstein’s, The Universe Has Your Back.