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Sonal Shah: I’m Not Sari For Being Me!

By February 9, 2018 One Comment

I used to be sorry for EVERYTHING! I’m Indian. I’m sorry. I’m a woman. I’m sorry. I’m an actor. I’m sorry. I’m an artist. I’m sorry. I create. I’m sorry. I like to dance. I’m sorry. I’m tired. I’m sorry. It’s not always sunny in Sonaldelphia.

I’m sorry. I’m weird. I’m sorry. I’m crazy. I’m sorry.  I’m hormonal. I’m sorry.  I’m too young. I’m sorry. I’m too old. I’m sorry. I’m too skinny. I’m sorry. I’m too fat. I’m sorry. I travel. I’m sorry. I have a dream. I’m sorry. I’m nervous. I’m sorry. I’m insecure. I’m sorry. I’m scared. I’m sorry.

Now if my actions, thoughts, or words have hurt someone,…then I’m still so sorry. If my actions, thoughts, or words have hurt me,…then I’m still so sorry. However, if and only if I have not hurt anyone…I’M NOT SORRY ANYMORE!!!

I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to yell at you. Oops, I did it again. Sorry. Oh my gosh, I’M NOT PERFECT!! Wait, is that okay? I’m not perfect. In fact, I’m completely imperfect and really just doing the best I can at this thing called life.

Whew, I said it. But, I should be perfect, right? Oh, I don’t have to be. Ahhh…okay. Huh. That is so much less pressure.

So, I’m just human, eh? Ummm…I hear birds chirping in the distance. I’m dancing in a vibrant green meadow. Yee-haw, I just released a lot of preciousness.

Ok cool, I’m just gonna hang out over here with my stacks of self-help books. You know, I just want to be better. I want to be the best person I can be. New year, new me, right? I hated who I was before. I’m sorr-Oh, wait…I see what’s happening. I’m apologizing for my old self. Shoot! I should probably not do that.   

I should instead let that go and accept myself now for who I am. I want to grow and evolve though. Does that work? Oh, I can grow and evolve without the aim of trying to be better. Self-help books and activities are great because I should always be learning. But shouldn’t I accept that there is nothing wrong with me now?

I like controlling things though! It gives me a false sense of power. I mean, a real sense of power. That was a Freudian slip. Ah, I get it!! I need to relinquish control and just be.

So, instead of trying to be happy one day, I should just be happy now? YES. The world needs more people who are just happy now. If we are all happy, we will make others happy and everyone will get together, hold hands, and dance!

Arrrgh. How can I be happy? Life is so hard sometimes. Wait a second, happiness is a choice!!  I can simply choose to be happy and…voila! Boom. I’m happy.

I should love what I’m doing on a daily basis even when it’s hard. Not everything will always be easy or feel good. I mean, I may fail, but that’s fine because at least I’m doing it.

So I guess I can’t just “have” dreams, I have to be “doing” the dreams now. Life is already happening NOW! I just need to do the best I can every day and then release expectations!!!

Forgive myself?  How can I forgive myself?  I’ve done some pretty messed up things at times.  No, I’ve never intentionally tried to hurt anyone.  I was just doing the best I could with the knowledge I had at that time. I mean, sure I guess I can start fresh today.  Why not?!  YIPPIE!

What if I’m not worthy?  That girl is prettier, the other girl is smarter, and another girl-WHOAH. Hold. The. Phone.  I have good qualities too.  

Isn’t it possible I deserve this just as much as everyone else?  Abundance is plentiful and there is enough of it to go around.  Heck, I AM abundant!  I’ll take up space, but I always leave room for others to shine too!  We are all one anyway!

I like to dwell.  I especially like to waste a lot of time thinking about things that don’t serve me.  Geez, I’m starting to see how ridiculous that is!  If something doesn’t work out, maybe a door opens for something else! Maybe not! Who cares! What is the point of dwelling?  I should feel it, accept it, and then let it go.  That sounds easier said than done, but maybe if I practice it’ll get easier!

I’m the CEO of my own life.

I should just live like I already have it all. Hey, that is a habit I can get used to. Things aren’t so bad. I guess when they are bad, that’s a part of living too!

Gosh, I’m so tired.  What? I have to move to get more energy? Girl, that’s insane! I have to go to yoga consistently? I have to exercise a lot?!  Well, I always do feel better after moving my bod.  Sigh,  O-K- fine.  

I have so many flaws though!! Breathe girl breathe. That is okay!! I can’t be so hard on myself. I just need to be present and celebrate this awesome life. I have a duty to shine that light brightly…and stop apologizing for it!

Service. Maybe I need to live a life of service no matter what I’m receiving in return. You know, give for the sake of giving without having any…wait for it…expectations!

By the way, it’s February which means we are in the LOVE MONTH.  That starts with me.  It’s the perfect time to find a way to love myself because, at the end of the day, I’m all I’ve got.  I can care and nurture me without having to feel bad about it! Let’s not get carried away though, it can’t be all about me.  

However, I’m a person that never makes it about me so I’m going to try to find that happy medium. I’m the only one who can validate myself.  I can’t seek it from anyone else.  That’s a good point. Hey, while I wasn’t looking, I validated me!

Wahoo! I’m so grateful!! Life is pretty dope. I have air to breathe, streets to walk on, and people to connect with.  Wow! So much to appreciate!  

I want to find joy and vibrancy in all of it.  I feel so inspired.  I hope everyone does.  I give thanks to you! I give thanks to me! I give thanks to the universe!

I’m a woman. I’m not sorry. I’m Indian. I’m not sorry.  I’m an actor. I’m not sorry. I’m an artist. I’m not sorry. I create. I’m not sorry. I like to dance. I’m not sorry. I’m tired. I’m not sorry. It’s not always sunny in Sonaldelphia. I’m not sorry. I’m weird. I’m not sorry.  I’m crazy. I’m not sorry.  I’m hormonal. I’m not sorry.  I’m too young. I’m not sorry. I’m too old. I’m not sorry. I’m too skinny. I’m not sorry.  I’m too fat.  I’m not sorry.  I travel. I’m not sorry. I have a dream. I’m not sorry. I’m nervous. I’m not sorry. I’m insecure. I’m not sorry. I’m scared. I’m not sorry.

I’m me. I’m not sorry.

 

 

 

 

 

 

To learn more about Sonal, visit her website at http://sunshinesonal.com/  

Also, you can leave a comment below and send her a note to tell her how much you enjoyed this post.

 

Sonal Shah

Author Sonal Shah

Frequently dubbed a ray of sunshine, Sonal Shah is obsessed with making people laugh. Unabashedly charismatic and shamefully insecure, Sonal is an Indian-American actress, comedienne, and vegetarian. A Hollywood Hill-ite with roots from a big family in Chicago bursting with culture and tradition, her definition of success is raising the frequency of the planet by loving yourself and others in a constantly evolving journey. Sonal celebrates living life to the fullest. A warrior of amour, perpetual learner, and (self)certified badass, she seeks to inspire and be inspired by creative, authentic dreamers. Sonal is an alumnus of Second City Chicago and has appeared on such shows as Scrubs, New Girl, Spaced Out, The PTA, and Transparent. Currently, she recurs on animated shows, The Powerpuff Girls and Costume Quest (which has made her niece and nephew very happy.) She earned her BA in Theatre from Loyola University of Chicago and studied with The Moscow Art Theatre School at Harvard University, The Groundlings, Upright Citizens Brigade, and Improv Olympic. Sonal was selected to perform in the NBC Diversity Showcase and teaches acting at John Rosenfeld Studios. Also a standup, she has hosted such events as the Asian American Institute for Congressional Studies Gala where she welcomed President Barack Obama.

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